I haven’t cared what people thought about me in some years. This weekend I was reminded that there are plenty of people who don’t understand or respect the choices I’ve made. I didn’t finish college, got married too soon, had kids too young. Spent too much money, and didn’t pay all my bills on time. I did things my way and I’ve never been sorry for that. I’ve laughed and cried, I’ve lied and yep even stole. I gave, and felt foolish and very incomplete.
But mostly I lived. I’ve survived what would have ended some. I fought through loss and failure. Swallowed my tears and bit down hard on my tongue. I’ve grown and learned what not to say or do. That’s not to say I will stand for anything. You cross me by messing with my family and you’ll see just what I mean! I am full of potential and I make the decision where it will be focused.
I choose to be where I am today. I walked away from my career and there is no place I’d rather be than right here with my family. So everyday that I get to play with my kids instead of being a nobody in a corporate jungle I feel truly blessed. At one point, I woke up every morning to go to a job I hated just to keep my health insurance. So now waking up and making pancakes from scratch might seem like a waste of time for some, but it feels my mornings with joy. And knowing that my children have a loving lap to cuddle in or a stern voice to discipline them makes this world a better place.
I’m not superwoman. My mother was amazing and somehow did it all, and all by herself. I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful partner in life and parenting who also sees that the most good is being done with me right here at home. My desire to live my life minus the scrutiny of everyone has lead me to feel like its us against the world. And I don’t want to feel that way. But I will clarify for all those who question every move I make:
No, I don’t get bored. I have a 2yo who literally keeps me on my toes every moment she's awake. If I don’t keep my eyes open she’ll burn the condo down and torture the dog!
No I’m not sitting on my butt all day. In fact most days you won’t find me at home at all. The aforementioned 2yo and puppy cause me to wake up at the same time, if not earlier than when I was working. I have been fortunate enough to meet some pretty amazing Moms along the way who keep me encouraged and offer shoulders to cry on/ adult conversation.
No, I don’t feel like finishing my degree right now should be my priority. If you feel I should go back to school please provide the financial means to do so. Until YOU’RE the one mailing my nearly $300 student loan payment off to Sallie Mae or my husbands that is slightly more I don’t care what you think.
Yes, I did have my children young. I PLANNED both of them that way. Wouldn’t change it for the world. They make me better at everything.
And as far as my marriage goes, well that’s none of your DAMN business.
I’ve made mistakes in the past but they won’t dictate my future. I am making my priorities known, and my brownsuga babies will be better because of it.