Monday was our 7th wedding anniversary, this week I’ve been reflecting on how quickly the time has passed. It’s funny to me to say yeah, I’ve been married for seven years, when I still have so many single friends from hs and college. Hell, I sometimes feel like I’M the lame for having a family! I mean with all the “independent women” and trifling men who’d rather be “baby daddy” then husband, is marriage an antiquated idea? I don’t think so, if animals can mate for life that must have been the plan for mankind… right?!
I can remember the look on everyone's faces when we got married. Jumping right in was what we knew best, somehow us getting married seemed to make so much sense. We’d known each other for six months, and there was so much more to know about one another, but we’d have forever to learn. And it wasn’t even a love thing! So many people think that at 19 and 20 you can’t possibly know who you’ll want to spend forever with, that getting caught up in “love” is the wrong thing at such a young age. If anyone would ask Muhammad why he married me he’d say it was because he felt I would compliment his weaker areas. And as romantic as I’d love to say I am, the thought occurred that THAT boy was going places. We grew to love each other later, and it wasn’t easy or fairytale love.
Our marriage almost didn’t make it. What a tough thing to openly admit. We called it quits, threw in the towel. Came dangerously close to forever living separate from one another. And the naysayers said yay. They said we were too young to have gotten married in the first place. They accused us of playing house. Said we didn’t need to be together, that our children would be better off if we ended it. They said there wasn’t anything wrong with walking away. And as a child of divorce, my parents, grandparents, in fact I only have two set of aunts and uncles that HAVEN’T been divorced, I believed it. I thought I’d bounce back, made up my mind that I could do better.
We were fortunate to see, that we were destined to be together. Even though every moment that we were separated we tried to stop loving each other, our hearts knew where they belonged. I believe there is one person out there for everyone. Some of us mess up with that person and just walk away. We spend the rest of our lives making unfortunate decisions and harmful mistakes. We are both blessed to have experienced pain, and learned from it. To have truly acknowledged what a sacred commitment marriage is. We will let each anniversary remind us how close we were to walking away from “the one”.
I know many people who weren’t happy that we fought so hard to save our marriage. I’m certain that they are silently hoping we fail. I hope they hold their breath! I got married to be apart of something great, and everyday it gets better.
For all the tears we cry, and fist we throw, what are we really fighting for? If not for love it is in vain.
I'm glad you fought to save it. I wish more people were so dedicated.
ReplyDeleteLove is an action, a verb, a choice. It isn't something that just happens or that you just feel. And it also isn't something that just dies overnight. It's more than hot sex or mushy romance. It's laughter, tears, support, understanding, compassion, learning, growing, aging, being partners, and more.
The challenge is figuring out how to keep Love as an equal partner in the marriage, I think. Jeff has his work to do on himself, on us. I have my work to do on myself, on us. And there is work to be done on Love and by Love and we have to be open and willing to let it happen, to do the work.