If I could recreate me I’d be so much better. I’d be like a happy homebody, with tons of independent projects that just naturally flowed. I wouldn’t be so afraid to unveil and show my soul and accept the souls around me as inspiration and positivity. I wouldn’t let anything that anyone had to say tear me down, plus I wouldn’t tear anyone down with my words or actions either. Hell, I probably wouldn’t drink or swear or yell when I got pissed off. I’d have no temper and the strength to walk away. If I could scrap this person I’ve become and create the being that stands for more, maybe then I could be… happy.
But seriously. this all sounds so self loathing, my other person would not be down with this vibe at all. What’s worse is I have no idea how to be anyone but who I am. I am a flutterer, being at home makes me more than a little nutty. I start projects and loose interest in them, some of them like this blog I dabble with from time to time. Sure I could make myself just write but then the few folks who do read this crap would want to have an intervention. Assuming anyone would care that much! And unveiling, whoa… my CalPIRG days aren’t that far behind me, and somehow I’ve cloaked that conviction I was once so certain of. I justify my tirades and,
*sigh* I’m too young for this type of contemplation…
So what, life's not rainbows and daisies, and I say fuck… a lot. Maybe I could be both those people, but would that be fake? I mean, I’m pretty sure that the being I described has to live in me. She’s the D2 under construction waiting for old age and wisdom to bloom. She’s gotta be better than the old lady shouting at folks for walking on the lawn. So what if I’m slightly self absorbed at 26, 26 years from now I’ll be a whole new person. Ha, circular logic :) Because in the beginning I was just me, someones daughter and sister. All these layers I’m wearing today have to be preparing the universe for a worthy being.
So I guess if you’re still reading this insanity that will forever pollute the internet check back in a few decades and remind me of this post.
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