love you, love me, love always

I always expect today to be easier. Every year for the past ten years I want to fast forward through October 3rd.

To say that I am ready to write about this, to let everyone I know into this whole that is still in my heart...

Forever sixteen, ten years ago today I lost my best friend. The one person in my life I never had a falling out with, who not once hurt my feelings. Our friendship will always be the highlight of my adolescence. The memories will always be greatly cherished. Jenni was there for me when my grandfather died, the first close death I’d experienced in life. She was a rock when my parents finally got divorced. The person I told when I lost my virginity. Jenni was so much, always there and she always genuinely cared.

The thing that makes October 3rd bearable every year is what Jenni gave me after she left us. She was amazing, and kind, and strong, and loving. She held all of my secrets. She gave so much, even in her departure of this world. I am always amazed by and grateful for Georgia.  Jenni gave all of her friends a second mother, whom she was always willing and proud to share. The love and respect that I feel for Georgia is equal to that which I have for my own mother. As a mother now I couldn’t imagine. Georgia, you’ve taught me so much I’ve often wondered how you remained so strong for us, I know now it’s because Jenni was as good a daughter as she was a friend. I could never thank you enough for sharing her with me, and everyone else she touched.

My friend, my Jenni is the reason I have my family. Eight years ago today Jenni put Muhammad in my life. Not as a replacement, but a reminder that I am here and I still have the opportunity to be happy, to grow up. I saw Muhammad in philosophy class, but I met Muhammad on October 3rd. To say that I was in a bad place would be an understatement. I knew then that Jenni was looking out for me, comforting me like she always had. The only way I have to thank her for everything she has meant to me is to always carry her memory, and celebrate her life.